so i had a thought
and it was that
ive been mistaking feeling nothing with feeling indifferent
this means that when something happens and i think i should be feeling a certain way and i dont then i feel nothing
when really all i feel is indifferent; it no longer effects me
which is either a good sign or a bad one
good because it could mean im moving on, learning, progressing
bad because it could mean im slipping even furthur